A Few Bad Months

So Januarys, and Februarys, have always been hard months for me. I don't know if it's because its after Christmas, and after the high I get during the season theres always a down. Because I HATE VALENTINES DAY (you would to if you have never had a valentine)!  Because it's the months leading up to my birthday. Or because it's the doldrums of winter solstice here in TX, but this year isn't the first time that these two months have been hard.

Just last year I wasn't the happiest/nicest person during this equinox. And that is just the start. I remember many years of hard times during January/February.

I seem to question my decisions, my knowledge, and my self worth all at the same time. Other times, when I only question one of those 3 I can think a little more clearly. I can take time and dissect each one individually, but still having the other 2 attributes to fall back on, and keep myself realistic, and optimistic.

Then this time of the year comes around, and it's like all the events that have shaped, and defined me from the past years have been thrown out the window, and I look only at what I need to improve on, not where I have come from, or the lessons I have learned along the way.

So I have started telling myself positive thoughts, every time that I am negative to myself. It's not a fix all, and I still struggle, but when I do catch myself and am positive, it really does help. But I put it out on the internet because I am not good with keeping promises to myself.

So I am glad that these months are almost over. I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. This months I am busier than I have been in a few months so that definitely helps when I don't have time to think about my problems.