Down Turn In Life

Ok, so this is not a happy go lucky post. I think that is why I haven't written a long post in a while. I am not the person who likes to complain. Well I shouldn't say that; I complain outloud to myself MANY times. While driving in the car, walking to and from things, basically any time that is quiet. But I don't like telling people all my troubles, because people have their own problems, and they don't need mine. However I have realized that not opening up to people hurts me. I have shut myself out from friends, and family because I don't want to be hurt.

So what has been going on in my life? Questions that are left unanswered. I have refound my focus in prayer, and talking to my Father in Heaven. WOW. If you haven't humbled yourself, and just prayed what is in your heart, I would tell you to just do it! It is an amazing experience that can't be explained, but can only be felt with the holy spirit.

I can't really explain what the matter with me right now. I can't explain it to myself, so how I can I explain it to the blogosphere? But I know that I am not happy. I can't seem to find happy. That night sound funny but it's true. My happy place is far from me right now.

I know that I'm upset that I am reaching a milestone in my life... The big 3-0. In less than 2 months I will be 30. Which might not be so killer because I do t feel 30. But I am single. Which in some ways being single and 29 makes me feel like I am turning 50 not 30.

I am also alone a lot. I have need been alone very much. It IS good for me. I am learning a lot about myself. But it is also hard. I keep having thoughts about how if my friends really wanted to have me around they would invite me. But at the same time I know that I shouldn't think like that.

I know that even though it is a hard time for me right now, but it has to get better soon. I don't like to be down. And it has to get better soon right. I have good days, and bad days; everyone does. Right now just seems like a bad 2 months. The tunnel has been dark for a while, but the light hasn't gotten any brighter. Well it has to start getting brighter soon.