I hate Goodbyes!

I have moved around a lot in my life. Moved into apartments, houses, even a condo. 15 times that I can count (I don't remember how many before I was 5.) However for all the moves I have endured, I have only lived in 3 cities; and went to only 2 school districts (5th & 8th grade in Cali, other than that good ole McKinney TX.) So most of my friends have been the same all through school. My best friends in TX, (Amy, and Cindy) and then by best friend Sarah in Cali. 

Now comes post college life. I make friends, and have a great time becoming really good friends with them. Letting them into my life, telling them my insecurities, and laughing at nothing in particular with them. I also try to listen to them as best as possible. Learning about their insecurities, and trying to pick up on things that they enjoy. Finally I decide that they are now in my inner circle of friends, (you know the one, where you only trust certain people on your real feelings about things.) Everything is going great for a time, a year, maybe 4-5; I think this is when I get too comfortable. I decide that we are going to be friends forever, and that the cosmos will align, and nothing will ever go wrong in our friendship again.

I give it about a month later, and I get the news... "Hey Amanda, I wanted you to be one of the first ones to know... I'm moving to _____! (insert any city here) Please don't tell anyone yet, I'm not ready for everyone to know yet." BOMB DROPPED. First of all, I am now one of the few people that knows just about the worst news on earth at this moment. Second when they explain to me why they are leaving; I have no rebuttal. Who am I to go against the spirit, or a better job opportunity? 

Yet it's not my friends leaving that when they leave have a hard time. I'm sure they do, they are in a new place, with little to no knowledge of their new city. But all in all, they know why they have left, and have that to look towards during their hard times. But I haven't left, I am still in the same city, but now I don't have a sidekick/best friend/mentor/confidant to confide in. 

This has happened about 4 times in the last 12 years. Not too bad. I have dealt with the sadness, and loss before. And I wouldn't even let the blogosphere know about it normally. But here I am still getting over one of my best friends moving, (where I had known for 6 weeks before most people, talk about hard) and now I have to endure another friend moving. Leaving my inner circle, and leaving me to stand all alone once again. 

I don't want to be discouraged. I want to be positive; I just haven't found the positive side yet. 

Family

Today is Christmas. I was going to post about the Savior. About His birth, and the humble surroundings, His ministry, and His atonement. How without the atonement we wouldn't celebrate His birth.

I am still grateful for Jesus Christ. But this Christmas has taken a different turn. This year is about family, and whom I call my family.

You see My immediate family consists of me, and my mother (in TX) she is amazing. She raised me as a single parent for 23 years of my life. We have had our hard times, but I realize now that she gave me everything she had. She always thinks of me first. My father, stepmother, and stepsister (in CA). My father has been my knight in shining armor since I could remember. He makes me laugh out loud all the time. We can talk for hours in the phone, and he gave me memories that I will remember forever. My stepmother is so different than my father. I don't know how they ever fell in love, but I am so glad they did so I could learn from her. She is very analytical, and sees the world from a different point of view. I know that if I ever need advice and dad doesn't understand, she will have advice that I couldn't have even thought of. She also has the best since of who I am. When I moved into my new apartment, she sent towels, I didn't even tell her the colors I was going for, and she sent the exact color! My stepsister and I have never had a close relationship, but she is a great person, and we laugh about the differences of our parents all the time.

I never had the big family that I always wanted. I remember pleading to my mom, telling her how much I wanted a little sibling when I was little. Well I never got that wish. But as I have grown older I have realized that even though I don't have physical brothers and sisters; I have friends in my life that I wouldn't trade for the world.